Miscellaneous Meanness

I need to get some random b!tchiness out. 

Miscellaneous Meanness #1

Today was The Ex's Birthday.  I refrained from sending him a text to say "Happy Birthday".  It felt mean, but I know his GF was spoiling him (as seen in Skype session with their father).  And he was never big on birthdays.  My sister is less than thrilled with him right now (story for another time), and posted this on her FB wall today with the message that read "Happy Birthday to my Ex Brother-in-Law - loser!"  She cracked herself up with this one.  And it's so funny, because over the past year, my family refers to him as DB.....code so that the younger ears wouldn't pick up on their distaste for him.  (Her post on FB the other day mentioned that she would like to see him neutered with a rusty bread knife).

Miscellaneous Meanness #2

I was on Linked_In this evening, and realized that I still had a "connection" with The Ex.  I deleted that connection as fast as I could, and then felt like I was in High School.  I guess I just didn't like that GF appeared as a second connection to me through him.  I also opted to delete a few connections of people that are in "his camp".  So High School, I know.

It's days like this that I feel my work for eradicating the b!tch within has failed miserably :)

Don't Be a Hater.....

I hate the weekends when The Ex comes to visit.I hate that I get a headache whenever he is in town.
I hate that I'm flooded with feelings of the past every time I see him.
I hate that I'm not over him yet.
I hate thinking about his girlfriend, the love of his life.
I hate knowing that this is the happiest he's ever been, and I'm the bad seed in the old equation.
I hate that he doesn't see his girls more often.
I hate that the girls are so excited to see him.
Not because I hate him.
But because I hate that they don't get to see him walk through the door every evening after work.
I hate that my old dream of happily-ever-after with him will never be a reality.
I hate obsessing over him and his girlfriend.
I hate that I'm so afraid I will fail at being a good mother because I'm consumed with the past.
I hate feeling week.
I hate the fear of throwing myself out there again one day.
I hate that after a year of seeing a therapist, I still feel I haven't healed as much as I would like.
I hate hating.  It's such an evil feeling.