A very good friend of mine has been such an important part of my life this past year. We worked together a few years back and with a move and kids and careers, we lost touch for a little while. And then we connected again. The timing could not have been any more impeccable. She too was going through a divorce. I leaned on her, and she always managed to give me perfect pep talks. She's amazingly brilliant and a kind soul. I could always call her up, text her, or email her with a random rant, and she could relate. I always feel better after talking to her. Not that I ever wanted to go through what I went through this past year, but if I had to go through it, I'm so very thankful she came back in to my life at the time that she did and we weathered the storms together.
A few months back, in the midst of my divorce, I had emailed her with one of my CAN-YOU-BELEIVE-THIS rants. I saved her email reply in my Inbox, because the moment I started reading it, I could not stop laughing. I will open the email on occasion and giggle again at her response.
Let me set the stage. ExSpouse had just spent the weekend with the kids. He emailed me after his weekend visit. This is what his email said:
Thank you for the weekend. I had a great time with the girls- especially The Baby. I felt very connected with her by the time I left on Sunday. I hope you and I can keep up our communication and not get defensive when a tough subject is brought up.
I would also like to go back to trying to call each evening to say goodnight to The Oldest. Please let me know what time is best. Either you call me or I will call you, whatever works each day if bedtimes may vary for some reason. There will be days like this thursday where I have a hockey game at 7:30 so I won't be able to talk to her at bedtime but will try to call when I am on my way. All sound ok?
Thanks again,
ExSpouse
It sounds like a nice email and all. Good guy, eh? Some women would love to have a cordial relationship like this with their exes who only come around for two days every other month. I know it could be MUCH worse. I get it, I do. But I still like to b!tch about it. So I sent this email on to my friend, and her reply was brilliant and hillarious. I had tears in my eyes. Of course, I never had the balls to send this on to him. And that wasn't the point. Expressing words to no one in particular are simply a means of catharsis.
This is my friends reply:
Dear ExSpouse,
Thanks for your message - it truly was the highlight of my day (right up there with putting pantyhose on but certainly nowhere near as exciting as spilling my coffee on my white blouse :-).
I know exactly what you mean about feeling connected, it's like the the checkout guy i saw at the grocery store the other day, I'm looking forward to next month when i run into him again and we can bond over the deals at Meijer - we're so lucky to have that opportunity aren't we? it's just so special! As for calling, what great news!! In fact, right when i got your email, i set the timer on my iPhone as a reminder so we can sit and wait to look forward to the moment we get to hear your voice. I am sure The Oldest will drop everything she is doing to make sure to talk to you on your convenience - you know pre-schoolers have a knack for time management, so it's awesome you are helping her build her skills and teaching her how to prioritize. Don't sweat it about the nights you can't....we'll let the alarm go so we can at least spend those three minutes thinking of what we are missing out on. Besides, i completely understand your need to put yourself first - after all, one can't be father of the year if you don't take care of your needs!
Signed,
The woman who can't believe I put up with you for as long as i did but counting my lucky stars for everything I no longer have to deal with
Just one of those letters you write (or my friend wrote for me) but never send. Love it. And love good friends who "get it".
