Don't Be a Hater.....

I hate the weekends when The Ex comes to visit.I hate that I get a headache whenever he is in town.
I hate that I'm flooded with feelings of the past every time I see him.
I hate that I'm not over him yet.
I hate thinking about his girlfriend, the love of his life.
I hate knowing that this is the happiest he's ever been, and I'm the bad seed in the old equation.
I hate that he doesn't see his girls more often.
I hate that the girls are so excited to see him.
Not because I hate him.
But because I hate that they don't get to see him walk through the door every evening after work.
I hate that my old dream of happily-ever-after with him will never be a reality.
I hate obsessing over him and his girlfriend.
I hate that I'm so afraid I will fail at being a good mother because I'm consumed with the past.
I hate feeling week.
I hate the fear of throwing myself out there again one day.
I hate that after a year of seeing a therapist, I still feel I haven't healed as much as I would like.
I hate hating.  It's such an evil feeling.

Schedules

Ah, the lovely art of scheduling weekend visits with a "co" parent who lives in another state!

Not sure what takes higher priority - scheduling trips with his whore or scheduling trips to see his kids.

His email today was:
If you could remember to send me a schedule of weekends, I would appreciate it. Have a couple of other things I am trying to get set up.

Ugh, that ugly bitter pill is back and hard to swallow.

I really want to reply and say "Oh, what fabulous vacations are you planning with that wench? Must be nice to freely schedule vacations and not worry about any true responsibilities, you d!ck"